SBNation NBA Mock Draft: Pick No. 8

Sorry about taking so long, but I've just been unable to figure out which big I want. Geez, it's just so tantalizing too, Joaquin Noah, Spencer Hawes? Pinch me! Forget it, I know what I'm gonna do: with the 8th pick in the mock draft, the virtual reality Bobcats hypothetically select, Al Thornton!

(And in my fantasy scenario, he comes down and has to tap a zoned-out David Stern on the shoulder to wake him up and shake his hand a la Rashad McCants in one of the more underrated funniest draft moments of all time.)

I think Thornton can play the 2 or at least he can DEFEND at the 2, unlike a certain high-profile draft pick we took last year or he'll be our buffer if we're unable to re-sign Gerald Wallace. Or he'll be our buffer if we actually DO end up signing Vince Carter, given Vinsanity's sterling track record when it comes to fringe small market teams.

As much as the thought of watching an emaciated Primoz Brezec running around the court at center like Olive Oil being chased by Bluto for another year nauseates me (this is a man whose strongest muscle happens to be his Adam's apple), I'm just not sold on Noah or Spencer. People can't stop describing Noah as 'high-energy,' which to me is just a euphemism for 'uncoordinated spazz.' And I just can't trust a guy named "Spencer" it's not tough-sounding enough. Either that or I can't help but think of Spenser: For Hire, and the last thing we need is a mercenary-type who gets involved with kooky mysteries every week. Sorry, I didn't mean to get all technical on you with that in-depth analysis. Who's up next?